WISDOM WITHIN - May 2015 - Kansas City

Exactly How Do I Love Myself More?

By Suzette Scholtes

 

The most important choice in life, one that affects every other decision you make, is the choice to love and accept you. It impacts the quality of your relationships, your work, your free time, your beliefs, and your future.

 

FAMILY ORIGIN IMPACTS HOW YOU FEEL

 

I grew up with seven siblings. How did I know Dad wanted a boy? So I lifted hay bales into the barn and drove the small tractor, disking the fields. My skinny frame grew strong. I was a happy kid, but a bit shy. I loved nature! I left the noise of the family to sit under a tree with a book, or into the sewing room to watch the sunset. I felt anxious around some of the family, and I did not know why, but I did my best to fake it. 

 

My parent’s good friends owned the farm behind ours; their girls, older than me, sewed fashion-forward clothing, beautiful indeed. After they outgrew their wardrobe it was sent over in cardboard boxes. I scrambled to grab the best stuff, yet at the same time I felt something I could not describe. I wanted new clothes! So by age 12 I sold greeting cards, or baby sat to buy my own. In therapy as an adult, I found a word for the feeling. I felt shame. What a weight to feel bad about oneself, as shame is often dumped upon us as kids.

 

CULTURAL INFLUENCES

 

Society reflects self worth in terms such as job title, youth, sex, power, money, and attractiveness. “If you base your self worth on the external world, you’ll never be capable of self-love,” writes Barb Evans, M.A., author and counselor. If we choose to be awake to our inner critic in order to “turn if off” one opens pathways to self-love and esteem. 

 

 

TIME TO SEE THROUGH NEW EYES & HEAR WITH NEW EARS

 

Do you believe this? Our true nature sings of love and acceptance of self. When born, we possess self worth, which is our core of love and goodness. How to let it shine? 

 

1. Begin your day with love. Wayne Dwyer writes, “I feel gratitude even before I roll out of bed.” Keep it simple. Meditate for 30 cycles of deep breathing. Breathe in love and breathe out love. At the Yoga School, Yvonne talked of her “miracle” journal. She notes every time she feels the lift and ease and joy and magic of life. For 30 years!

 

2. Talk yourself happy. Use affirmations to train your mind: “I love to write,” or “I love to cook,” or “I love to teach” work wonders for me.

 

3. Become honest about how you feel. Avoid numbing those precious feelings. Shopping, eating and drinking are examples of avoiding sadness and pain. Be awake to habits to begin to change them. Get help. Be strong enough to ask for help.

 

4. Find exercise you like and foods you love. What makes you feel alive? 

 

5. Are you willing to surrender what you cannot control? Letting go allows each of us to see the bigger picture. It’s ok to not have answers. Can you trust that your soul and spirit will guide you?

 

6. In January 2015 I resolved to slow down. I no longer hurry. It’s working. The world can wait.

 

7. Meditate and take yoga to allow yourself to trust and KNOW that you are light, and l00 percent bathed in unconditional love by Divine intelligence. It is within. 

 

In yoga and in life we are interconnected. As I love myself, I love you. Self-esteem grows strong even when I wear the shirt my friend gave me out of her closet. She thought the color would look great on me! It does.